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Wednesday, February 11, 2009
{ 6:20 PM }
Emm hey.
Err i dont know how to start,
sorry kinda blur and blank and dont know what to say and how to say right now.
Just suddenly............
this type of feeling came all over again.
Am tired of thinking bout it, i've tried to not think bout it,
but i guess am just so weak that i cant forget everything until now, this moment.
Some of you guys might be asking what am talking about,
*sigh*
I miss everything, everything about myself ,
i mean,
i miss them a lot. I miss my friends, bestfriends, laopos, jiejies and all of them who were with me, facing all the hard times and sharing the happiness with me last year.
I miss everything that happened in my life last year.
Well last year, year 2008, was a sweet year for me but at the same time it was the most difficult year for me too, really.
And i cant keep this anymore,
honestly,
i'm tired of being another side of me, tired of being someone else, now, this year.
I am not me, this year, today, yesterday, last week, last month and now, this moment,
this is not me!
This is not the Anne that you've known last year!
Yeah i've changed, i did a lot of changes in my life,
cause i've never feel this sad, this frust, this moody, this hurt. Its sucks like hell !
But i want to be me, myself , the real Anne,
just like last year. Could I ?
Sometimes i think that i dont wanna live anymore in this world,
but life must go on.
Yeah everythings comes and goes.
Money come and go, happiness come and go, sadness come and go and EVEN lover comes and goes too.
Yes i'm lonely, i always moody and sad nowadays and i dont know why.
Some of my friends asked me why? What happened to you?
And my answer was, dont ask me why cause i dont know.
Tired, tired, tired.......... thats the only word that i can say.
Not tired cause i've done some activities,
but tired thinking. Thinking bout something that's not worth it.
*sigh*
And right now, i just need some space,
and i need happiness, and peace.
Yes i'm not a happy person like before anymore, my life's not boring,
but my life's sucks!
SUCKS , is the only word that can describe my life now.
And one thing that i keep thinking of right now,
is love. Whats love?
I know whats love, love is love. Okay whatever.
Its not bout love, its not bout a normal love,
but this is bout true love and first love.
First love will always be first love no matter what happens,
so my first love or first lover, will be the same until my last breath.
Thank God, for letting me knew him.
But if I could go back to the pasts, i would like to not know him than i know him,
cause i already knew what will happens if i know him,
this is what had happened.
Well it was the sweetest memory ever in my life, but it was a bitter memory too.
Cant blame him, cant blame myself too, cant blame her, cant blame anyone.
I keep talking bout my pasts, keep thinking bout him,
but what to do, i've tried to stop it, but i cant.
Well perhaps it take times about 1 year to stop of thinking/talking bout it?
I dont know.
Everything in this world is unpredictable.
We didnt know what will happen next.
No one knows the real me, the real Anne, no one.
And everyone keep hurting me,
day by day, wihout realising it.
Yeah they didnt realised that they've hurt me,
cause for them, its just a word, just words.
But they didnt know that deep inside my heart,
i'm so hurt and am sorry to say this,
but if you all think that what am gonna say after this is specially to you all,
then i'm sorry.
Them, who've hurt me before without realising what they've done to me,
not everyone, just a few people,
they are so so USELESS, yes they are the useless friends of mine.
Glad to have friends like them,
well i dont really meant it. Glad gonna change to.......... regret or sucks, maybe?
Do you wanna know why i wrote all of this? Up above there?
Do you wanna know why and well yeah maybe some of you know why.
Just 1 reason,
cause i cant hide and keep my feelings anymore, i'm tired.
Really tired.
And am tired of pretending too.
Well yeah am gonna change to the old Anne that you've known last year, maybe?
But it takes time.
Well maybe a few months.
Err i know i've been writing so long,
but to all of you who's reading this,
i hope you'll understand,thanks a lot. :)
Got to go,
i wanna take my lunch.
Chows chows! :D
